relationship building

Similarities of Church and Weddings

October 26, 20212 min read

My son was recently married and I was reflecting on how weddings and churches are similar.  Granted there are many differences, too.  But I was struck by how just many similarities there were.

To start, both churches and weddings bring together families of different origins.  In doing so, there are different customs, traditions, beliefs, and personalities to navigate.  There is a richness that can come from bringing together families.   Likewise, any time you bring people together to work towards a common purpose, there also will become conflict.  The various people have different perspectives and experiences on how things should/could be done and a range of values that form those perspectives.  Consequently, there will be hurt feelings, but it is how people are treated (with love and respect) in the conflict that really matters.  In the life of the church, there are Holy moments that stir your emotions sometimes in unexpected ways.  Likewise, throughout the planning and the wedding festivities, there are moments when you are unexpectedly overcome by the whole range of emotions.

Next, we sometimes get so caught up in “doing” church and “doing” the wedding that we become distracted from the real purpose.  We get so caught up in the details of the presentation that we lose focus on what is really important.  We are sometimes so busy tending to all the details of pulling off the church service or the wedding, that we don’t have the time, energy, or perspective to pay attention to the guest.  And when we do finally do look around the room, there are far fewer people in attendance than we expected, invited, and/or prepared for and may be disappointed or perhaps even angry.  Maybe we are even sad for who is missing that has already gone home to be with the Lord.

Ultimately both weddings and the church are about relationships.  Multi-layered relationships!  And, we know that relationships are complicated especially when you are bringing different families together.  But, if you really peel back the layers of both, each is about the relationship of two people.  In church, it is about the relationship of the disciple and Jesus Christ growing deeper in their relationship with one another.  In a wedding, it is about the couple growing deeper in their relationship with one another.  It is about a deep, abiding, and faithful love!

“Let me give you a new command: Love one another. In the same way I loved you, you love one another.

This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples—when they see the love you have for each other.”

 John 13:34-35 MSG


Kay’s purpose is to Equip and Empower Leaders of Faith Communities How to Engage in More Effective Ministry.
Kay Kotan is the founder of You Unlimited (coaching, consulting and training company) and The Greatest Expedition – a collaboration of more than twenty thought leaders providing resources and insights for a congregational journey to develop new MAPS (ministry action plans) to reach new people in your community.  Kay also launched Multipliers’ Movement – a gathering of kingdom multipliers for sharing, equipping, and encouraging.
She is a CoachU and Advanced CoachU Graduate, an accredited coach (PCC: Professional Certified Coach) with the ICF, International Coaching Federation, a Certified Path 1 Coach, and once served on the faculty at Coaching4Clergy.  As a passionate lay person, she has a banking background and has been a business owner for more than 25 years.  Kotan has served as a church developer for conferences and worked with churches, pastors, conferences, and judicatory leaders across the country for more than a decade.  She is most proud to be the wife of Bob for over 30 years and the mother of their adult son, Cameron.
Kay is the author of multiple books, workbooks, and resources including Gear Up:  Nine Essential Processes for the Optimized Church, Cry From the Pew, Full Schedules, Barren Souls, Being the Church in the Post Pandemic World, and Journey Preparation: Surveying Your Church’s Landscape,  as well as the co-author of the books titled:  IMPACT!:  Reclaiming the Call of Lay Ministry, Small Church Check-Up, Insights on Productivity, Renovate or Die – Ten Ways to Focus Your Church on Mission, Ministry 3.0 and Get Their Name , Ten Prescriptions for a Healthy Church, Necessary Nine – Nine Things Effective Pastors Do Differently, Launching Leaders:  Taking Leadership Development to New Heights, Strategy Matters:  Your Roadmap to Planning a Strategic Ministry Planning Retreat, Voices of Christmas: A Daily Devotional for Advent and Expanding the Expedition Reach Through Marketplace Multipliers. Mission Possible for the Small Church. Inside Out: Everting Ministry Models for the Postmodern Church, and more. Kotan and her co-author Bradford published their third version of the best-seller, Mission Possible:  Simple Structure for Missional Effectiveness.  

Mrs. Kotan spends her time investing in pastors, laity leaders, congregations, and judicatory leaders through equipping, coaching, and creating resources to help them discover and live into their fullest missional potential of effectiveness and fruitfulness to reach people for Jesus Christ.  Through her enthusiasm, truth-telling, and passion, she challenges those who encounter her in both their thinking and their doing.

Kay Kotan

Kay’s purpose is to Equip and Empower Leaders of Faith Communities How to Engage in More Effective Ministry. Kay Kotan is the founder of You Unlimited (coaching, consulting and training company) and The Greatest Expedition – a collaboration of more than twenty thought leaders providing resources and insights for a congregational journey to develop new MAPS (ministry action plans) to reach new people in your community.  Kay also launched Multipliers’ Movement – a gathering of kingdom multipliers for sharing, equipping, and encouraging. She is a CoachU and Advanced CoachU Graduate, an accredited coach (PCC: Professional Certified Coach) with the ICF, International Coaching Federation, a Certified Path 1 Coach, and once served on the faculty at Coaching4Clergy. As a passionate lay person, she has a banking background and has been a business owner for more than 25 years. Kotan has served as a church developer for conferences and worked with churches, pastors, conferences, and judicatory leaders across the country for more than a decade. She is most proud to be the wife of Bob for over 30 years and the mother of their adult son, Cameron. Kay is the author of multiple books, workbooks, and resources including Gear Up: Nine Essential Processes for the Optimized Church, Cry From the Pew, Full Schedules, Barren Souls, Being the Church in the Post Pandemic World, and Journey Preparation: Surveying Your Church’s Landscape, as well as the co-author of the books titled: IMPACT!: Reclaiming the Call of Lay Ministry, Small Church Check-Up, Insights on Productivity, Renovate or Die – Ten Ways to Focus Your Church on Mission, Ministry 3.0 and Get Their Name , Ten Prescriptions for a Healthy Church, Necessary Nine – Nine Things Effective Pastors Do Differently, Launching Leaders: Taking Leadership Development to New Heights, Strategy Matters: Your Roadmap to Planning a Strategic Ministry Planning Retreat, Voices of Christmas: A Daily Devotional for Advent and Expanding the Expedition Reach Through Marketplace Multipliers. Mission Possible for the Small Church. Inside Out: Everting Ministry Models for the Postmodern Church, and more. Kotan and her co-author Bradford published their third version of the best-seller, Mission Possible: Simple Structure for Missional Effectiveness. Mrs. Kotan spends her time investing in pastors, laity leaders, congregations, and judicatory leaders through equipping, coaching, and creating resources to help them discover and live into their fullest missional potential of effectiveness and fruitfulness to reach people for Jesus Christ. Through her enthusiasm, truth-telling, and passion, she challenges those who encounter her in both their thinking and their doing.

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