Spiritual Conversations Tips for Positive Results with People of No Faith

April 02, 2024•2 min read

We all have people in our lives who are not Christian. Some of these people are neighbors or friends and others are close loved-ones. As important as our faith is to us, having spiritual conversations with people of no faith is often difficult, uncomfortable, scary, or maybe even considered completely off limits. These negative feelings are often the result of negative past experiences or feeling ill equipped for the conversations.

With 84% of Americans being spiritually open, our opportunity as Christians to have spiritual conversations is tremendous. However, how we have those conversations is more important than ever. Here are some tips and insights from a Barna study to consider as you embrace opportunities to engage with people of no faith in spiritual conversations:

Listen. When people of no faith cited what they would appreciate most in spiritual conversations with people of faith, being listened to without judgment scored the highest. They also cited their desire of not being forced to come to any conclusion in the conversation and being allowed to come to their own conclusions. The people of no faith are really looking for a conversation partner who listens more than they talk.
Relationship. Of high importance to the person of no faith is that a person of faith would care about them as a person, is interested in them, and understands them. The person of faith would ask questions and is curious and engaged. All these important factors point to the emphasis of the relationship. We must invest in relationships first before we will have the privilege of having spiritual conversations with people.
Vulnerability. The person of no faith desires the Christian to be honest about their own doubts in their spiritual walk. They would also appreciate hearing about the Christian’s story and spiritual struggles when asked. The person of faith would even be aware of their own inconsistencies in their own spiritual perspectives and open to sharing about them. A person of no faith appreciates the vulnerability of a person of faith and admits to not having their spiritual life all figured out.

In today’s postmodern culture, people are inundated with facts and data. Most often, they are not looking for yet more information. This is often true for spiritual conversations, too. People of no faith are not looking to engage in debates; they are more likely looking for a listening ear. Therefore, Christians equipped with conversational skills who are first willing to invest in relationships will have a far greater chance of connecting with people of no faith and engaging in meaningful spiritual conversations.

Kay Kotan

Kay’s purpose is to Equip and Empower Leaders of Faith Communities How to Engage in More Effective Ministry. Kay Kotan is the founder of You Unlimited (coaching, consulting and training company) and The Greatest Expedition – a collaboration of more than twenty thought leaders providing resources and insights for a congregational journey to develop new MAPS (ministry action plans) to reach new people in your community. Kay also launched Multipliers’ Movement – a gathering of kingdom multipliers for sharing, equipping, and encouraging. She is a CoachU and Advanced CoachU Graduate, an accredited coach (PCC: Professional Certified Coach) with the ICF, International Coaching Federation, a Certified Path 1 Coach, and once served on the faculty at Coaching4Clergy. As a passionate lay person, she has a banking background and has been a business owner for more than 25 years. Kotan has served as a church developer for conferences and worked with churches, pastors, conferences, and judicatory leaders across the country for more than a decade. She is most proud to be the wife of Bob for over 30 years and the mother of their adult son, Cameron. Kay is the author of multiple books, workbooks, and resources including Gear Up: Nine Essential Processes for the Optimized Church, Cry From the Pew, Full Schedules, Barren Souls, Being the Church in the Post Pandemic World, and Journey Preparation: Surveying Your Church’s Landscape, as well as the co-author of the books titled: IMPACT!: Reclaiming the Call of Lay Ministry, Small Church Check-Up, Insights on Productivity, Renovate or Die – Ten Ways to Focus Your Church on Mission, Ministry 3.0 and Get Their Name , Ten Prescriptions for a Healthy Church, Necessary Nine – Nine Things Effective Pastors Do Differently, Launching Leaders: Taking Leadership Development to New Heights, Strategy Matters: Your Roadmap to Planning a Strategic Ministry Planning Retreat, Voices of Christmas: A Daily Devotional for Advent and Expanding the Expedition Reach Through Marketplace Multipliers. Mission Possible for the Small Church. Inside Out: Everting Ministry Models for the Postmodern Church, and more. Kotan and her co-author Bradford published their third version of the best-seller, Mission Possible: Simple Structure for Missional Effectiveness. Mrs. Kotan spends her time investing in pastors, laity leaders, congregations, and judicatory leaders through equipping, coaching, and creating resources to help them discover and live into their fullest missional potential of effectiveness and fruitfulness to reach people for Jesus Christ. Through her enthusiasm, truth-telling, and passion, she challenges those who encounter her in both their thinking and their doing.

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