ministry connections

How Connecting New People to Ministry is a Colossal Mistake

February 25, 20234 min read

People want and need community which at its core is a sense of belonging. People are looking for a place to connect with others, a feeling of belonging, and a sense of community. The desire and need to be with other people is part of our DNA. A recent MIT study found we crave interactions in the same region of our brains where we crave food, and another study showed we experience social exclusion in the same region of our brain where we experience physical pain. In a similar vein, a study at the University of Michigan found when people lack a sense of belonging, it is a strong predictor of depression. 1 Let’s face it, people need people!

When new people are checking out your church, they are most likely looking for community – a place to belong. This is why making people feel welcome, seen, respected, and where they could see themselves actually belong is so important. According to MinistryInsites, the top preference guests desire is a warm and friendly encounter.

Last week we talked about hospitality being beyond friendly. This week, we need to understand the distinction between connecting people with ministry and connecting people with community. There’s a huge difference!

Remember, hospitality speaks to those first impressions for guests. Extravagant hospitality exceeds guests’ expectations. Connection is the collection of steps and actions beyond hospitality that lays out opportunities for new people to connect to the life of the spiritual community. Think about the messaging and steps in your church’s connection process. What is it communicating to the guest? Where is it pointing the guest to? How are the messages and steps helping guide the guest and reflecting the mission, vision, and values of the congregation?

Let’s use the guest “goodie bag” as an example. What a church includes, how it is packaged, how it is delivered, and the messaging on the items speaks volumes to the guest about their options, who the church is, and if they can find that sense of belonging they are seeking. Often churches fill bags with brochures (often outdated) and dime store junk that have no value or connection to the guest. It’s as though we are providing a sales menu of options. The guest has to choose one and find their own way to plug into one of them. Finding a “gift” bag full of unrelatable literature does not leave a guest feeling honored, cared for, seen, or understood.

Instead, what if the guest was invited to the locally owned coffee shop to join the “connector” (a church lay person who connects with guests). The connector purchases a cup of the guest’s favorite brew in an insulated stainless mug bearing the logo of the local coffee shop for the guest to take home. The connector is genuinely interested and invested in getting to know the guest. The connector asks open ended questions. Tell me your story. What brought you to the church? What are you looking for in a church? What questions do you have? How can I be helpful? Rather than our “go to” first step for guests of understanding of what kind of community and sense of belonging the guest is seeking. What the guest is looking for may not even exist yet. Without these types of listening conversations, the church will likely miss opportunities for launching new communities or new ministries. Instead, this guest will not find their sense of belonging in that dime store goodie bag and will not return to the church.connecting to a ministry, we must first connect with them relationally. By spending time with the guest, the connector will have a better understanding of what kind of community and sense of belonging the guest is seeking. What the guest is looking for may not even exist yet. Without these types of listening conversations, the church will likely miss opportunities for launching new communities or new ministries. Instead, this guest will not find their sense of belonging in that dime store goodie bag and will not return to the church.

Is your church still trying to connect new people to ministry? Or are you connecting new people to community? What is your intentional, relational connection process for helping new people connect? And remember, new people enter the life of the church throughout the week – not just Sunday mornings. Make sure you have a connection process for anyone who encounters the life of the church anytime throughout the week. If your congregation would like to learn moreabout connecting relationally with new people and setting up the systems to do so, check out this on demand Connections webinar.

Source

Kay’s purpose is to Equip and Empower Leaders of Faith Communities How to Engage in More Effective Ministry.
Kay Kotan is the founder of You Unlimited (coaching, consulting and training company) and The Greatest Expedition – a collaboration of more than twenty thought leaders providing resources and insights for a congregational journey to develop new MAPS (ministry action plans) to reach new people in your community.  Kay also launched Multipliers’ Movement – a gathering of kingdom multipliers for sharing, equipping, and encouraging.
She is a CoachU and Advanced CoachU Graduate, an accredited coach (PCC: Professional Certified Coach) with the ICF, International Coaching Federation, a Certified Path 1 Coach, and once served on the faculty at Coaching4Clergy.  As a passionate lay person, she has a banking background and has been a business owner for more than 25 years.  Kotan has served as a church developer for conferences and worked with churches, pastors, conferences, and judicatory leaders across the country for more than a decade.  She is most proud to be the wife of Bob for over 30 years and the mother of their adult son, Cameron.
Kay is the author of multiple books, workbooks, and resources including Gear Up:  Nine Essential Processes for the Optimized Church, Cry From the Pew, Full Schedules, Barren Souls, Being the Church in the Post Pandemic World, and Journey Preparation: Surveying Your Church’s Landscape,  as well as the co-author of the books titled:  IMPACT!:  Reclaiming the Call of Lay Ministry, Small Church Check-Up, Insights on Productivity, Renovate or Die – Ten Ways to Focus Your Church on Mission, Ministry 3.0 and Get Their Name , Ten Prescriptions for a Healthy Church, Necessary Nine – Nine Things Effective Pastors Do Differently, Launching Leaders:  Taking Leadership Development to New Heights, Strategy Matters:  Your Roadmap to Planning a Strategic Ministry Planning Retreat, Voices of Christmas: A Daily Devotional for Advent and Expanding the Expedition Reach Through Marketplace Multipliers. Mission Possible for the Small Church. Inside Out: Everting Ministry Models for the Postmodern Church, and more. Kotan and her co-author Bradford published their third version of the best-seller, Mission Possible:  Simple Structure for Missional Effectiveness.  

Mrs. Kotan spends her time investing in pastors, laity leaders, congregations, and judicatory leaders through equipping, coaching, and creating resources to help them discover and live into their fullest missional potential of effectiveness and fruitfulness to reach people for Jesus Christ.  Through her enthusiasm, truth-telling, and passion, she challenges those who encounter her in both their thinking and their doing.

Kay Kotan

Kay’s purpose is to Equip and Empower Leaders of Faith Communities How to Engage in More Effective Ministry. Kay Kotan is the founder of You Unlimited (coaching, consulting and training company) and The Greatest Expedition – a collaboration of more than twenty thought leaders providing resources and insights for a congregational journey to develop new MAPS (ministry action plans) to reach new people in your community.  Kay also launched Multipliers’ Movement – a gathering of kingdom multipliers for sharing, equipping, and encouraging. She is a CoachU and Advanced CoachU Graduate, an accredited coach (PCC: Professional Certified Coach) with the ICF, International Coaching Federation, a Certified Path 1 Coach, and once served on the faculty at Coaching4Clergy. As a passionate lay person, she has a banking background and has been a business owner for more than 25 years. Kotan has served as a church developer for conferences and worked with churches, pastors, conferences, and judicatory leaders across the country for more than a decade. She is most proud to be the wife of Bob for over 30 years and the mother of their adult son, Cameron. Kay is the author of multiple books, workbooks, and resources including Gear Up: Nine Essential Processes for the Optimized Church, Cry From the Pew, Full Schedules, Barren Souls, Being the Church in the Post Pandemic World, and Journey Preparation: Surveying Your Church’s Landscape, as well as the co-author of the books titled: IMPACT!: Reclaiming the Call of Lay Ministry, Small Church Check-Up, Insights on Productivity, Renovate or Die – Ten Ways to Focus Your Church on Mission, Ministry 3.0 and Get Their Name , Ten Prescriptions for a Healthy Church, Necessary Nine – Nine Things Effective Pastors Do Differently, Launching Leaders: Taking Leadership Development to New Heights, Strategy Matters: Your Roadmap to Planning a Strategic Ministry Planning Retreat, Voices of Christmas: A Daily Devotional for Advent and Expanding the Expedition Reach Through Marketplace Multipliers. Mission Possible for the Small Church. Inside Out: Everting Ministry Models for the Postmodern Church, and more. Kotan and her co-author Bradford published their third version of the best-seller, Mission Possible: Simple Structure for Missional Effectiveness. Mrs. Kotan spends her time investing in pastors, laity leaders, congregations, and judicatory leaders through equipping, coaching, and creating resources to help them discover and live into their fullest missional potential of effectiveness and fruitfulness to reach people for Jesus Christ. Through her enthusiasm, truth-telling, and passion, she challenges those who encounter her in both their thinking and their doing.

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